March 29, 2021
Somewhere in the latter years of my time in Christianity, I started hearing more and more sermons about “thought life.”
This concept was a relatively new one that had cropped up. My best guess is that some older, famous pastor that all the college ministers and youth ministers looked up to had coined the phrase in some new book or video series.
Thus was born “thought life”—yet another thing that I was supposed to feel guilty about.
If you don’t recall (or were never lectured about it during your time in Christianity) the term “thought life” is meant to encompass everything you think about. Since God could read your mind, it meant the things you think about count as sin as well, not just the actions you take.
Basically, preaching about thought life was a way for pastors to stand up on stage and lecture the men about daydreaming about having sex with the girl sitting in the next pew over.
They tried to even this out by telling the women in the congregation to monitor their thought lives for “negative thoughts about other women” or “gossip” or other weak softballs. This is because men in the Church think Christian women never think about sex or look at anyone lustfully—which is ridiculous.
As a result of the increasing number of sermons about thought life, the topic began to crop up in my small group Bible studies. I’d hear stuff like:
- “I’m just trying to get a handle on my thought life lately.”
- “God’s really been convicting me about my thought life.”
- “I’ve been reading through a new devotional on thought life. There’s a lot of great wisdom in there.”
All laments about struggling with “thought life” basically translated into the man being frustrated that he couldn’t stop thinking about sex or fantasizing about women he found attractive.
As we know now, these things are normal and healthy and don’t make you a bad person.
After my deconstruction and subsequent deconversion, I revisited the concept of thought life one day while I was contemplating.
And I realized the Church was right.
They were also wrong. Like many other things the Church teaches, they either have the right idea and the wrong execution or the wrong idea and the right execution.
When it comes to thought life, the Church is correct in that you should diligently monitor what you think about. What they’re wrong about is which specific thought patterns you should police.
As I explained here when I discussed the Law of Attraction, what you think about on a regular basis is massively important because these thoughts, more often than not, translate into action (or inaction).
So if your life is a mess, or you’re unhappy, or you don’t feel like you’re currently living the life that you want, it’s because the actions you’re taking (or not taking) have produced that life for you. These actions didn’t come from a void; they originated in your thoughts.
The easiest example of this is your health. Say you take a look in the mirror one day and don’t like what you see. You firmly decide to make a change.
That firm decision is a thought.
However, your “thought life” regarding your health doesn’t stop at the initial decision. Next, you think about your goals for your fitness (losing weight as opposed to building muscle). Next, you think about which exercises will get you to your goals. Next, you think about where in your schedule you can squeeze in gym sessions. Next, you think about which dietary changes you should make to complement your new exercise routine.
After all this thought, you have a firm plan. Only then do you start going to the gym to execute.
You don’t just wander into a gym one day and wonder how you got there. No, you first have thoughts about not liking your current health situation, thoughts about when is the most convenient time for you to go to the gym, and thoughts about which workout program to do.
This is just one example of why I realized it’s so important to monitor what it is you think about often. Whether you want to improve your financial life, find a new relationship, or pick up a new hobby, it always begins as a thought.
So how do you clean up your thought life for real and not how the Church tells you to?
The first step is becoming self aware of what it is you think about. Check in with yourself often throughout the day. Ask yourself, “What am I thinking about?” Analyze it. Identify thoughts that are not helping you. Examples are:
- Negative self talk
- Disempowering belief systems
- Self deprecation
I know this is easier said than done (especially since the Church encourages this kind of negative thinking) but with some practice, it can be done.
Another great tip is to analyze your entire life (best done by starting with the 7 life areas) and identify areas where you want to do better. Then start gathering information from those that have accomplished what you also want to accomplish.
This process alone will have you thinking a lot more about the positive change you want to make. Eventually, all of those thoughts will turn into a plan, which is of course followed by taking your first action steps.
Were you ever shamed for your “thought life” when you were still a Christian? How do you approach your “thought life” now that you’re on the other side of religion? Let me know in the comments!