November 2, 2020
My work here on this blog and in my book is about exploring the ways that a life spent within fundamentalist religion impacts many other crucial aspects of our lives—not only what we believe. Some of these effects still linger long after we have left the faith. Some Deconverted Men may wrestle their entire lives with unlearning these damaging teachings.
As we grow older and our lives become more complex (with careers, children, responsibilities) our hobbies are usually one of the first things to get booted due to lack of time (and maybe even interest). I think this is a bad idea, especially for a newly Deconverted Man. Hobbies are an excellent outlet and a great way to have something to focus on during a difficult and painful deconversion.
But even before deconversion, I’ve noticed how the Church and fundamentalist religion exert a strong and firm control over our hobbies, and subtly asserts itself as a judge over what role hobbies are meant to have in our lives. Some of these ideas may even stick with us after deconversion.
In this article, I’ll discuss 3 key ways fundamentalist religion damages our hobbies.
1. You aren’t allowed to be truly proud of your talents and skills.
In fundamentalist doctrine, all talents and skills that you have are gifts given to you by God when he created you. Therefore, when you partake in them, you should do so with a certain level of humility and restraint. Because after all, you wouldn’t have that hobby if it weren’t for God deciding to gift it to you, so they say.
One time I’ve seen this perspective rear its ugly head was when the very talented drummer in my youth group band seemingly became overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit and began to play very loudly (and, in my opinion, impressively). I personally think a skilled and creative drummer can bring a whole new level of energy to a song.
I heard later that the guy was pulled aside and told to reign it in. There had apparently been some feedback and people thought he was being too self-serving and showing off and that it had become a distraction during worship.
If the church was this guy’s employer then they had every right to do that. If you hire a drummer for your rock band, then you can and should tell him when he’s playing his part wrong. However, what the church did not have the right to do was make him feel like the mistake came from a negative, unchecked place in his heart.
2. Your hobbies must only be used to glorify God.
Adding to the point that all of your talents and skills are gifts given to you by God, fundamentalist logic then insists that you only use those talents and skills to “glorify God.”
How exactly to “glorify God” with your hobbies is a grey area, but I’ve mostly seen it interpreted in one of two ways:
- All art, music, and sports must somehow point others to God.
- All art, music, and sports should not contain anything that God or the Church would not approve of.
The problem with either of these two things is that they greatly limit the way you can express yourself.
This is especially true of any artistic hobbies. Art is an outlet to express things inside of you that you may have no other way of knowing how to express—things that are deep, abstract, and possibly dark and negative that you don’t quite understand yet or know how to consciously process.
On top of that, there’s God, the big mean daddy in the sky looking over your shoulder and making sure you don’t write a poem or compose a song that contains material that triggers his sensitive opinion of morality.
3. You may forsake your hobbies entirely.
Very strong believers may consider their hobbies to be too much of a distraction in their walk with God or too much of a temptation toward pride. As a result, they consciously decide to set aside their hobbies because they mistakenly feel that it will improve their spiritual development. They lay their hobbies at the feet of God, so to speak.
I’ve seen many guys do this and it’s truly tragic. It’s devastating to watch a man lay aside something that makes him unique and could provide him with a much richer life all because he thinks that’s what God wants him to do.
My hope is that once that man deconverts he can quickly become reacquainted with his hobby that he once thought was a detriment.
Do any of these points describe you during your time in fundamentalism? Or maybe it was something that I didn’t mention here? Let me know in the comments!
Only in my mid-50s and being out of a fundigelical cult that I was raised in do I finally feel free to learn and explore guitar playing. I always loved the blues and would have loved to have learned how to play when I was younger. I remember being interested and then told that I could take lessons off of one of the members of the worship group. Not what a teenager wants to hear. I would have had to use my talent and creativity for “God” and Him alone. I remember a time when I found out a member of the group (who came from another group in another part of the country) was an accomplished guitarist and I mentioned it to one of the leaders and was basically blown off. He, like me was influenced by the guitar greats of the 70s and 80s. We couldn’t have that brought into worship. I think it was also about control.
Now that I am free and I am working with a therapist to help me find my voice and grow my creative side, do I feel free. It has been a long time coming, but I grow every day. Thank you for this forum.
I’m glad to hear you’re getting in touch with your creative side again. I think a good, productive hobby is an excellent way to lighten the heavy burden of a faith deconstruction. While I didn’t play, I always loved rock stars and their music when I was growing up. They always seemed so free, whereas I was stuck in a religion that told me their music was sinful.
You’re very welcome.