May 19, 2022
It’s no secret that deconstructing your faith is very difficult. Not only that, but life immediately on the other side of religion can be very difficult as well. This is because leaving your religion and deconverting is a lot more than ceasing to believe in dogma. Leaving your religion results in all seven of your life areas being thrown out of balance. I’ve written extensively about this over numerous articles on this blog and in even more detail in my book.
Also in my book I have a section that goes into the power of visualization. This is a useful tool where, in addition to taking action every day, you visualize the end result of your goal and how differently (and better) your condition will look once you’ve accomplished the goal you’re working on.
One of the best ways to utilize this visualization tactic after leaving religion is, in my opinion, to spend some time alone and write down by hand what exactly you want your life to look like now that religion is no longer hindering you. Be as detailed and specific as you can.
- Where do you live? What city? What country? What does your home look like?
- What kind of hobbies do you engage in?
- What is your relationship with your family? Do you have a spouse and children? If so, how many children? How many spouses? (Only mildly kidding; seriously, there are no limitations in this exercise).
- What does your social life look like? How many friends do you want (more is not better for everyone)? Do you have friends that you also consider mentors?
- Do you have a spiritual life or spiritual practice? If so, what does it look like?
I did this exact thing after I left religion. And I’m happy to say that I am well on my way to achieving precisely what I wrote down all those years ago.
But here’s the trick—you truly need to let go and let your imagination run wild. This exercise is not the time to make all kinds of considerations that will hinder you. One big thing that I see most people let trip them up here is money. Even as they brainstorm, there’s something in the back of their minds that stops them from writing down certain things because their little voice keeps saying, “How are you ever going to afford that?”
It’s important to quell that voice for now and continue to write out your ideal life as if money were no object. Why? Because you are being very honest about what you want out of life now that you no longer feel any pressure to follow “God’s plan.” This is all about your plan.
After the experience is over and you put away what you’ve written for a few days or weeks to “breathe” and you check it again and realize that yes, everything you wrote is still what you want, then at some point you will have to consider how you’ll afford this ideal life.
In my opinion, it isn’t good to start revising your ideal life based on how much it costs. Don’t start cutting off dream homes or reducing your desired seven children down to a reasonable, sensible three simply because of the costs. Rather, your goal should be reversed: increasing your income and net worth so as to afford your ideal life.
Quelling and repressing your ideal life was something you already did when you were in religion. There, you either suppressed your true desires or never allowed your imagination to run wild about what your true desires might actually be because you were too busy “listening to God’s will” or whatever. Not anymore. Those days are over. Now, it’s time for you to build the ideal life that you truly desire, no matter how long it takes, how hard it is, or how much money it costs.
I understand money is a sensitive subject for a lot of people. Most people—especially those who feel they aren’t earning enough or aren’t being fairly compensated for the work they’re doing—really don’t like being told to “do whatever it takes to increase your income.”
Increasing your income so as to afford your ideal life is no easy task, and definitely won’t happen overnight.
- It might require taking night classes to earn a degree or license to get a higher paying job.
- It might mean starting your own business.
- It might mean moving to a new city, state, or country where you can earn more money for the same job.
- It might mean altering your lifestyle so you can save more and spend less.
- It might mean aggressively paying off debt so you have extra income leftover every month to invest into other, more profitable things.
It’s all possible and all doable. It’s true that depending on life circumstances, it will take some people longer than others. However, this is a journey and not a snap-of-the-finger change. The key, as usual with difficult and overwhelming tasks, is small incremental improvements every day that add up over time.
And I would venture to say that the time, effort, and hard work that you put into increasing your income and net worth in order to afford your ideal life post-religion will be one of the most rewarding things you’ve ever done. When you finally step into your dream home, or move to your dream city, or have the bustling social life you’ve always wanted, or travel the exact amount that you want, or can afford to have all the kids you want… then you’ll look back and realize that all the work it took to get there was well worth it.