December 16, 2021
Christian relationships are curious things.
I was giving this some thought the other day and I remembered some instances from my life in the Church that got me thinking about how strange Christian relationships can be. Here are 3 memories, the last of which is from my own personal dating life.
The Next Guy
I vividly remember hanging out with a group of friends (fellowshipping, if you will) one evening and one of my female friends stated to me, “I’m going to marry the next guy I date.” At the time I was impressed (and a little skeptical) at the balls on that statement. She didn’t even frame it as, “God told me to marry the next guy I date.” No, it was her decision and her mind was made up. She doubled down by saying, “I’m just tired of all the games and drama of dating.”
Several months later, a good friend of mine asked her out and they started dating. I never told him what she’d said to me because I didn’t want to freak him out or make him feel any kind of pressure, plus their relationship was none of my business. They did, in fact, go on to get married and I attended their wedding. They’re still married today, have a couple kids, and seem happy.
But dang. She sure called it. Almost makes their marriage seem less like a “serendipitous God thing” and more like a checked-off item on her list of life goals.
A Tall Order
Another female friend of mine just got married last year. She’s in her thirties, which unfortunately is considered “old” for a woman to get married in church circles. This girl was much taller than the average female, and she even towered over most of the men she knew. This girl had been desperately wanting to get married for the last decade or so, but never found “the one.” She’d been set up on countless dates by her friends with awesome dudes who she always found something wrong with, or said, “God isn’t affirming this in my heart.”
Then low and behold, she gets asked out by a guy who happened to be a friggin’ giant, meaning taller than her. She married his ass instantly—short engagement and everything. She even sacrificed her dream of having a huge wedding (she has a ton of friends) because of pandemic limitations on attendance just to lock this dude down.
Don’t know about you, but it makes me wonder whether God was actually “not affirming” the decades of gentleman that came before her current husband or whether it was all about her waiting for her specific type to come along (taller than her). In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with this, as I’ve analyzed here, but at least be honest about it and don’t make it a God thing when it isn’t.
Rushed to the Front Row (My Story)
I remember back in college when I was still a believer, I asked out a girl from my church on a date. She happily accepted. We went for coffee, which back then was the classic first date for two Christians. Not sure if it still is these days. Back then I didn’t even drink coffee, but I guess I figured if I wanted to increase my odds of her saying yes, then I needed to invite her for coffee.
We met up one evening at a local coffee place near campus and were there for about an hour and a half. To this day, it was the easiest first date of my life. Why? Because she didn’t STFU the entire time. All I had to do was sit there, listen, and nod my head along.
I went back home afterward and told my roommate about it. He asked me about the girl and I was able to recount her entire life story. He gave me a strange look and asked, “Did you even get a word in?” Only then did I realize what had happened. I begrudgingly had to admit no.
When next Sunday came around, she asked me to sit with her during the evening service for the college students. I reluctantly agreed. If you’re reading this blog, then you likely already know that when a new couple starts sitting together in church, it’s a massive statement to the rest of the congregation. At that point, a bunch of people start assuming you’ll eventually get married.
I only learned after I’d already said yes that she wanted to sit on the front row. I never sat on the front row at church. I preferred the dark back corner where I thought—at the time—that I was spending quality time with God. That, and being that far back meant no one would notice me not singing along to the contemporary Christian music that I secretly didn’t really like.
Anyway, we sat on the front row and the music started. This girl was friends with the girl in the worship band—you know, the one who doesn’t play an instrument but just sways back and forth with her hands slightly raised until it’s time for her solo song. She kept making eye contact with the girl I was with, giving her excited and approving looks that she’d successfully dragged a man with her to the front row.
At that moment, I was done. I felt like I’d been “snagged” and I didn’t like it. To me, it seemed like this girl had pressed fast forward on the relationship and I’d been left in the dust. At the time, I don’t think she even knew my last name.
Since we’d only been on one coffee date, I didn’t think it was necessary to formally declare that I wasn’t interested in any further meet-ups. I spaced out my responses to her texts more and more during the following week and she got the hint pretty quickly. She was cool about it; we remained cordial when we bumped into each other at church. I had a strong feeling that she was accustomed to his happening.
Relationships can be strange and messy things even outside the walls of the Church, but there’s something about Christian relationships that just seems so otherworldly now that I’m looking back on them after putting some distance between that environment and myself.