September 5, 2022
I’ve written about it here on my blog and have elaborated on it even more in my book: deconverting from fundamentalist religion is a lot more than ceasing to believe in supernatural dogma. It harms your seven life areas as well. Recovering from the damage caused by a difficult deconversion from religion involves getting your life areas back on track.
One of the seven life areas that are upended by leaving religion is your hobbies. Before, you were taught that all of your talents and gifts were given to you by God and that they should only be used to glorify God. However, now that you’ve left religion, this is no longer true. You are free to engage in your hobbies for you and only you.
Picking up some new hobbies is also a great way to help you recover from a painful deconversion. Here are three positive, masculine hobbies for recently Deconverted Men:
Working Out
I’ve written before about how starting a gym habit did wonders for me during my faith deconstruction. After a lifetime of believing all strength came from God and that I should rely on him for strength, it felt amazing to actually get into the gym and build my own.
Working out is great for recently deconverted men because it helps you to rebuild a sense of self-reliance. You’re no longer relying on God for your strength—you are building it yourself. This is an incredibly empowering feeling and can help you make strides in recovering from your deconstruction in a big way.
In addition, working out is great for your physical health. Your health is another life area that is oftentimes damaged by religion—especially the more fundamentalist groups who reject medical help because they believe God will heal everything and who believe that all sicknesses, injuries, and lifespans are predetermined by God before you’ve even been born.
Also, when you work out, you tend to eat better, sleep better, drink more water, and consume less junk—all in service of maximizing your gains. These positives will stack, and of course they will improve your mental health as well, since the body and the mind are inextricably linked.
Martial Arts
Another great hobby for recently deconverted men is martial arts. Martial arts is a great way to build self-reliance and confidence—two things that are often frowned upon in church culture.
Martial arts is also a great way to get out aggression in a healthy way. After years of pent-up aggression from being told to suppress your emotions, it can be cathartic to let it all out in a safe and controlled environment.
In addition, martial arts is a great workout. You will build strength, endurance, and agility. And like working out, the benefits of martial arts will spill over into other areas of your life—particularly your social life. There will be other guys at the martial arts gym who you can meet and become friends with. This is especially valuable as you may have lost many (or all) of your religious friends after you left the church.
Woodworking
The third hobby I recommend for recently deconverted men is woodworking. Woodworking is a great hobby for a few reasons. First, it’s very satisfying to take a piece of raw wood and turn it into something beautiful or useful. This can be a great way to boost your self-esteem after leaving religion because when you create something for yourself or a gift for someone, you feel very capable. Christians “aren’t allowed” to feel that because they need God to sustain them in every way.
But also, there’s something very traditionally masculine about working on a woodworking project. There’s kinesthetic movement, calculations, planning, and you get to work with tools. I’ve written before that life in the Church is not a masculine lifestyle. Tapping into that masculine energy that has become dormant within you will do wonders for your peace of mind. It’ll ground you. You’ll feel human again.
Also, woodworking projects are a great way to achieve the flow state—that state of mind where you are so focused on the task at hand that time seems to disappear. This is a great way to relieve stress and anxiety, and it’s something that can take your mind off any negatives that might be replaying themselves over and over.
Conclusion
If you’re a recently deconverted man, I hope this article has given you some ideas for hobbies that can help you in your journey. Working out, martial arts, and woodworking are all great ways to rebuild self-reliance, confidence, and a sense of masculinity. They are also great for physical and mental health.
And most importantly, when you find success in one (or more) of these areas, there’s no need to “give glory to God” or to think that God “blessed you” with these newfound talents and skills. No, it was all built by your own hard work, focus, and dedication. The credit belongs to you.