July 25, 2022
When it comes to faith deconstruction and leaving religion, there are many things you can talk about:
- Church harm.
- The hypocrisy of pastors.
- How the entire church is a business.
- Purity culture.
- Incorrect teachings.
- Corruption.
- No punishments for pastors who hurt people.
- Illegal activity.
- Sexual predators.
The list, unfortunately, goes on and on. However, there is one big harm of a life spent in religion that I rarely see talked about:
Freedom.
When you are caught up in a certain religion, you just don’t have much freedom.
How Religion Restricts Freedom
It should really be, “How does religion NOT restrict freedom?”
No matter how many Evangelicals purport that a life in the Church means “freedom in Christ” that is actually a misnomer. The opposite is true. When you are a devout, practicing Christian, there are a plethora of things that you don’t have the freedom to do—particularly if you abide by a more fundamentalist interpretation:
- You can’t drink.
- You can’t smoke.
- You can’t dance.
- You can’t listen to secular music.
- You can’t have premarital sex.
- You can’t have any other spiritual beliefs besides what the Bible and your pastors teach.
- You can’t date the way you want to—it can only be done within the strict parameters of purity culture.
- You can’t have any other kind of relationship other than the one that is precisely defined and prescribed by the Christian church.
There are a lot of things that you simply cannot do if you want to be a good Christian. And while some people may see this as a good thing, I see it as a form of oppression and suppression.
It’s not just that there are a lot of things you can’t do; it’s also about the things that you are expected to do—and if you don’t do them, you are seen as less than. This is also a form of restricted freedom.
- You are expected to tithe 10% of your income.
- You are expected to serve in the church in some capacity.
- You are expected to go on mission trips.
- You are expected to share your faith with others, even if it means being uncomfortable or facing rejection.
A community of people who abide by both the restrictions and expectations creates a community of people who are very one-note. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned since my own faith deconstruction, it’s that we as humans are not one-note. We are complex creatures with a multitude of interests, talents, and passions.
When you’re a part of a religion, there’s an unspoken (and sometimes spoken) message that says, “This is the only way to live and if you don’t do it this way, you are wrong.” This creates an environment where people are closed off to new ideas and new ways of living. It also creates an environment where people are judgmental and critical of those who don’t live within the confines of the religion.
Do I think the people in these communities are actually one-note? No. I think their authentic, unique selves are buried beneath layers and layers of dogma, obeying false authority figures, and presenting a sanitized (and false) version of themselves in order to gain acceptance.
What Are the Benefits of Living a Life Without Religion?
The initial stages of faith deconstruction are scary. You feel like your entire life, sense of self, and perception of reality is rapidly falling apart. In a way, it is. With this process comes a fear that you might be entering a very dark time in your life. I won’t lie to you—you probably are. However, as I’ve written before, your life will ultimately improve after your faith deconstruction, even if it takes some time to get there.
After you reach that point and religion is far behind you, you’ll start to experience some of the refreshing benefits of a life without religion. These include:
- You can finally be your authentic self.
- You no longer have to put on a mask and pretend to be someone you’re not.
- You are free to explore any and all spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof).
- You are free to live your life however you want to without having to worry about religious rules and expectations.
- You can finally start to heal from the damage that religion has done to you.
- You can make your own decisions without having to consult a Bible or religious leaders.
- You are no longer bound by artificial social constructs such as purity culture and its damaging effects.
- You don’t have to feel guilty for not going to church, reading the Bible, or praying.
- You don’t have to feel like you’re not good enough because you don’t live up to religious standards.
And that’s just off the top of my head. There are plenty more. Reading that list, doesn’t that seem like a life filled with freedom and autonomy?
Overall, you’ll find that life without religion is a lot more freeing than you ever thought possible. And while it might be scary at first, it’s definitely worth it in the end.
Why Is It Important to be Free From Religion?
In short: to experience personal growth. You grow from having experiences, both good and bad.
Christians, in their ideal life, have cut themselves off from all “worldly” experiences and only live obediently within the confines of the experience that their religion is allowing them to have. In their mind, it’s a good thing to remain steadfast and unchanged throughout their entire lives.
However, people who never change during the course of their lives can hardly be said to have experienced much, in my opinion. They live sheltered, small lives that are largely determined by their religion. And while there is nothing wrong with having a set of beliefs that guide your life, when those beliefs become all-encompassing and start to control every aspect of your life, it’s time to take a step back and reassess.
I believe that personal growth can only come from having new experiences and trying new things. And you can’t have new experiences or try new things if you’re constantly living in fear of breaking religious rules or offending God.
Of course, some Christians will argue that they do have new experiences and try new things, despite not straying from the confines of their religion. But I would argue that those experiences are largely determined by their religion and are not truly autonomous. Furthermore, even if a Christian does have an authentic, new experience that is not directly related to their religion, they will often try to find a way to shoehorn it into their religious worldview in some way. In contrast, when you’re free from religion, you’re free to experience life in all its forms, good and bad.
What Does Freedom Mean to You?
Complete freedom can be scary at first. For this reason, a lot of people are quite comfortable not being free in some capacity. That’s a big topic and an article for another time, however.
Therefore, it’s important to take some time and determine what freedom means for you. What are you free to do? What are you free to believe?
It’s important to remember that just because you’re no longer bound by religious rules and expectations doesn’t mean that you can do whatever you want without consequences. There are still laws that need to be followed, after all. Break too many laws and you’ll find yourself without much freedom inside a prison.
For example, most people would consider it rude to walk into someone’s house and start going through their things without permission. The same goes for freedom of belief. Just because you’re free to believe whatever you want doesn’t mean that you can force your beliefs on other people. Respect for others is still important, even if you don’t share the same beliefs.
I’ve noticed that people’s different opinions about what freedom means to them cause a whole new set of issues. It usually devolves into arguments about politics and society.
If you’re not harming somebody else (realistically and honestly) and someone else is also not harming somebody else (realistically and honestly) then it’s entirely possible that you and that other person will have completely different ideas of what freedom means to them.
A lot of ex-Christians really wrestle with this. I think they have a leftover notion of the “freedom in Christ” concept; in that, there can only be one version of what freedom looks like. When they get outside of religion, they’re presented with a wider world of varied people who have different versions of freedom, and they kind of wrestle with that.
I think it’s really important to remember that there’s no one right way to live life. Just because someone else believes something different than you doesn’t make them wrong. What matters most is how you live your life. Are you harming somebody else? If not, then you’re probably doing alright.
Of course, this is just my opinion. I know there are a lot of people out there who will disagree with me. And that’s okay. We can all still be friends. 😉
At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to figure out this life thing the best way we know how.
Conclusion
Freedom from religion is a good thing because it allows you to experience life in all its forms and to grow as a person. Just remember to be respectful of others, even if you don’t share the same beliefs. We’re all in this together, after all.