November 7, 2022
I’m a real curious bastard. Always have been and always will be.
I wish it were possible to learn everything there is to know about everything. It actually grieves me that one day I’ll die and there’ll still be so many topics that I don’t know enough (or anything) about.
I’ve said before that curiosity is a very good thing, particularly for a Deconverted Man. Curiosity is what likely started your faith deconstruction process in the first place. One day you heard, saw, or read some piece of information that triggered something in your brain that made you say, “Hmm… I’d like to know more about that.” What followed was a journey of learning new things, reading books you’d never considered before, and listening to opinions that were far outside your religious comfort zone. Your deconstruction process was likely difficult, but few people, if any, ever regret following their curiosity down the rabbit hole and out of religion.
After my own deconstruction process began winding down and I transitioned into healing, I thought my curiosity may have served its purpose and run its course. But that wasn’t the case. I became even more curious.
I realized that religion wasn’t the only thing that could be deconstructed. I was forced to wonder: if I’d been so wrong about something as huge as religion, what else could I be wrong about? What else had I simply accepted as true that wasn’t true at all? There was an entire world and universe out there that possibly needed to be deconstructed.
Put simply, I think being curious and following that curiosity leads to life-changing and paradigm-shifting results. That’s why I stress it so much on this blog and in my book.
After spending some time in the faith deconstruction community, I noticed that some people experience a surge of curiosity that leads them to their deconstruction and subsequent deconversion, but after it’s done, they settle into a materialist atheist worldview where their curiosity returns to roughly the same level it was when they were religious. That is, they once again refuse to entertain any other possibilities outside of their new and current paradigm. Usually, that means broadly dismissing anything that science doesn’t mesh with, but that’s far from the only way close-mindedness manifests.
As you can see from the chart, someone’s curiosity spikes when they’re gathering new information that leads them out of religion. After a period of this, their curiosity crashes back to where it was before—the same level as a “souled out” Evangelical Christian:
- Their worldview becomes settled (albeit different than it was before).
- Their political opinions become settled (albeit different than they were before).
- Their new spiritual beliefs (if any, and usually there are none) are settled (albeit different than they were before).
- Their outlook on the best way to live life is settled (albeit different than it was before).
In short, their open-mindedness came and went. It served them for the duration of the deconstruction process, and then was dismissed. To be fair, I don’t think people do this intentionally. I think it just kinda happens.
Is there a better way?
I think so. Consider this graph instead:
Instead of closing down your mind after you think you have all the facts, you instead keep your mind open and don’t settle on things too quickly in the latter stages of your deconstruction.
Why is this better? For two simple reasons:
- Because you (and I) got it so wrong for so long by spending much of our lives believing in religion. What the hell makes us think that now, a few short months or years later, we’ve got it all 100% right? Seems like some wishful thinking, perhaps even a bit arrogant.
- Because once you realize that something as big as religion can be deconstructed, you are pretty much forced (in my opinion) to consider that literally anything and everything in your life can be deconstructed as well—even things that have nothing to do with religion. Deconstruction is a learned life skill. Once you experience how life-changing the process is, it’s beneficial to apply it to all aspects of your life. For more information on this, check out my article If You Can Deconstruct Your Faith, Then You Can Deconstruct Everything Else.
To sum it up, I think it’s important (I border on considering it vital) to maintain a high level of curiosity after deconstruction. Not only will it serve you well in your post-deconstruction life, but it will also help prevent you from falling into another closed-minded trap.