3 Things I Was Ashamed to NOT Like As a Christian

August 8, 2022

A couple months ago I published an article called 3 Things I was Ashamed To Like as a Christian.

It also worked in reverse: when it comes to Christian culture and being a Christian, there were several things that I was “supposed” to like, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get into them.

I was pretty ashamed of the things I didn’t like when I was a Christian. I mean, how could I not like something that God supposedly liked or wanted me to like? But there were a few things that I just couldn’t get into, no matter how hard I tried. Here are three of them:

Christian Books

I’ve always been a big fiction reader. I like to read all kinds things—including things that wouldn’t be considered very pleasing to God. So all my Christian mentors were quick to find a solution to this: Christian fiction written by Christian authors!

On paper it seemed like a good idea. In print… not so much.

I started with the big names everyone knows: Ted Dekker and Frank Peretti. But I just couldn’t get into their books. The characters were one-dimensional and the writing style was dry. And although neither of them are overly preachy, I could still sense their themes coming across in some very blunt ways. These themes were the same old things I’d heard in church a million times. Because these books were coming from a Christian viewpoint, there just wasn’t anything new being said, which is what I craved.

Another issue I had with these books was that they lacked any kind of objectionable or “inappropriate” content, given the religious sensibilities of the authors. Not that I was purposely seeking out that kind of content, but when it’s glaringly absent from the entire storyline and from all the characters, then it rings as unrealistic.

In his memoir On Writing Stephen King discusses his philosophy on how important it is to tell the truth in fiction. That means including realistic aspects of life within the work of fiction, even the “bad” parts. Stephen King isn’t a foul-mouthed racist, for example, but he does include these characters in his stories because, unfortunately, real life is full of foul-mouthed racists.

So when there was a cast of characters in a tense, thriller-type scenario and the worst thing they can utter is “darn it” it makes me roll my eyes and check out a bit.

I have a very distinct memory of being in high school and reading either This Present Darkness or Piercing the Darkness by Frank Peretti. I can’t remember which one, and honestly, does it even really matter? Anyway, I remember being halfway through, bored as shit, and just thinking to myself, “I don’t like this book. I’m only reading this because I feel like I have to.” I never picked it up again after that day.

Besides Christian fiction, I also was not a fan of devotional books. I found them to be too simplistic, often cheesy, and sometimes just downright bizarre. Not only that, but these books became obligations. They were meant to be read a little bit at a time each morning, which is definitely not my style of reading. I typically like to sit down anytime I want and read as much or as little as I want.

Contemporary Christian Music

Oh man. This one got me in trouble during my Christian years.

I just couldn’t get on board with much of the contemporary Christian music that was being sung in my church.

I remember specifically not liking the band Shane & Shane when literally all of my friends were obsessed with them. I tried forcing myself to listen to their music with an open mind, but it just didn’t do it for me. We even went and saw them in concert at one of the megachurches in town. Nope. Did nothing for me. I felt quite guilty about it because, at the time, they were so popular in Christian circles.

And when everyone started loving the Hillsong music, I also tried to no avail to find something in it that I liked. I struggled with the fact that their songs are like seven minutes long, always recorded live, and overly dramatic and emotional. That may seem like I’m being particular, but it’s music; I like what I like. And that pickiness really made me feel guilty since it was Christian worship music, which as a Christian I was supposed to automatically like.

I have a distinct memory of when I was in the sixth grade and attending my old church’s youth group. I remembered voicing my opinion about not really liking many of the worship songs that were played during the program. I said I thought they were boring and not very thoughtful with the lyrics, or something like that. I expected the youth leader I was speaking with to “correct me,” but he didn’t. He actually agreed with me. He told me he called a lot of Christian music “Jesus Junk” and I’ve never forgotten that. I still use that term to this day.

I’ll never forget this gem, a prime example of Jesus junk:

I am a friend of God.

I am a friend of God.

I am a friend of God.

He calls me friend.

—Israel Houghton, “Friend of God” (shocking title, I know)

I go into more detail about how deconstructing contemporary Christian music played a part in my overall faith deconstruction and subsequent deconversion in my article How My Belief in Christianity Slowly Fell Away.

Christian Films

When I was a Christian, other people in the church loved it when Christian films came out. In a way, they sort of “verified” or “authenticated” their beliefs. Not only that, they were totally in favor of these movies coming out and appealing to a wider audience. Their evangelistic fantasy was, of course, that non-believers would go see these movies, connect with something that they saw in a total “God moment” and then pursue that line of questioning further until the point of salvation.

Did that ever happen? Eh, no.

It’s hard to imagine that happening when the Christian films coming out in that era were the original Left Behind movies and God’s Not Dead.

Perhaps the biggest Christian film that dropped during my time in the Church was The Passion of the Christ. And while that movie was pretty graphic and intense, a lot of people I knew didn’t like it because it was “too in their face.” I felt the same. I didn’t feel much closer to Jesus after watching a brutal portrayal of his crucifixion.

But man, many of the strong Christians I knew absolutely loved that movie. Some even bought it on DVD. I couldn’t help but think, “What the hell? You mean you make some popcorn on a Saturday night and throw on The Passion?” Definitely not the kind of movie you just relax to.

One of my high school friends, a strong Christian, gave his Christian father an audiobook version of the Bible with the words of Jesus narrated by Jim Caviezel, the guy who played Jesus in The Passion. Also bizarre to me, but hey, at least Jim got booked for a bunch of Jesus gigs after that movie came out.

Conclusion

Not liking these things in retrospect seems trivial, but back when I was a believer, it was anything but. These are the kinds of things—ridiculous as it is—that can really throw some division into a community. Even when I kept these opinions and thoughts to myself, I still felt like I wasn’t doing something “right” or “trying hard enough” or “believing the correct way” since everyone I knew liked all of these things while I did not.

These days, I don’t give a shit. I like what I like and don’t like what I don’t like. And I’m very willing to bet there are plenty of Christians in churches around the world today who are merely pretending to like the things on this list when they really don’t simply because they want to fit in.