April 15, 2021
I went to a private Christian high school. Like most private Christian high schools, we had to attend Chapel every week—it was essentially a church service. Some of my classmates would play and sing in the worship band and then there would be a message. The message was usually given by a faculty member, or sometimes they’d pull in a trendy youth pastor from a nearby church. On occasion, a student would give their testimony.
A good friend of mine would sleep during every single Chapel. I don’t mean that he got bored and nodded off. He’d consciously decided that Chapel was to be his mid-morning nap time. He’d sit down in the pew (my private Christian high school had a full-blown sanctuary), slouch low in the seat, cross his arms, lean his head back, close his eyes, and go to sleep. He looked like someone who’d fallen asleep in the middle seat of an airplane.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, I had other friends who were very enthusiastic about Chapel. They sat on the front row, stood and raised their hands during the worship, and took notes during the sermon.
Then there was me, somewhere in the middle. I was still a Christian at the time. I found it amusing how my friend slept through every Chapel, but knew I could never bring myself to be that disrespectful to God. However, on the other hand, I also knew I couldn’t bring myself to be like my other friend either, raising his hands in full-blown praise. I was a bit too introverted for that.
While I was reflecting on this the other day, I realized that these two opposite friends and myself represent the three main ways that people react to religious teachings.
(See what I did there? I opened this article with a story from my past then took a sharp segue into the point I’m trying to make—just like modern day sermons!)
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The Guy Who Knows It’s Bullshit From the Beginning
This was my friend who slept through Chapel. There are some people out there who most Deconverted Men envy—those who never fell into the religion trap.
It didn’t matter if this guy’s parents or some other outside influence tried to indoctrinate him when he was younger. It just ever stuck. Somehow, this guy’s bullshit detector developed at a young age and the siren went a-blaring the first time someone tried to tell him a carpenter died for his sins 2,000 years ago.
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The Guy Who Believes At First, and then Deconverts Later
This was me. This also describes pretty much everyone in the deconstruction community.
The indoctrination at a young age worked on this guy. He earnestly believed it and lived it. However, sometime later in life, this guy takes a hard pause and makes the firm decision to do his own research. When he does, he then realizes that most everything he’s been taught from a young age is bullshit. He sees the world through new eyes. He feels free.
This awakening can come with a fair share of trauma. This guy often feels like he needs to start completely over in life. He may feel like he’s wasted a lot of time. He may feel like he doesn’t know who he really is. He may lose his friends and family. He may even lose his spouse who still believes in religion.
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The Guy Who Doubles Down
This third guy is represented by my other friend who always sat in the front row during Chapel, hands raised for the eternal glory of the Lord.
It never occurs to this guy that perhaps he’s made a mistake and believed something that isn’t true. In fact, he doubles down on his faith, becoming an even stronger (and sometimes more fundamentalist) believer.
Here’s what’s strange about these three reactions to religious teachings: from what I can tell, there doesn’t seem to be any reliable way to predict which one of these three will describe any given individual.
Most people’s quick response would be that intelligence is a factor, but this has nothing to do with intelligence. Christianity boasts some highly intelligent people.
Others may suggest it depends on how early in life someone was exposed to religious teachings. That doesn’t quite work either. My Chapel-sleeping friend was one of many students I graduated with who attended that private Christian school since Kindergarten. That means thirteen years of weekly Chapels starting from a very young age. He didn’t believe in God for a single second. Then on the other hand, everyone’s heard the testimony of a forty-year-old guy who slyly brags about how hard he partied in college and how many girls he hooked up with before having a midlife crisis and accepting Jesus as his Lord and savior.
I wish I had more answers to conclude this article with, but I don’t. What do you think? What factor(s) influence which of these three ways someone will react to religious teachings? Let me know in the comments!