July 11, 2022
Whenever I need some writing inspiration, I often turn to Facebook. There, I’m a member of a few deconstruction groups that are usually having important and interesting conversations around the topic of faith deconstruction.
But even more so than the groups that are dedicated to the topic, I find that I often get inspired by posts made by friends I used to know a long time ago when I was a Christian. One such article inspired in this fashion was When Christians Complain About Their Hard Marriage after I kept seeing anniversary posts from these people that all but announced their marriage was a pain in the ass but they were going to stick it out because that’s what you were “supposed to do.”
However, the other day I came across a post that definitely inspired me to write, but in a different way than normal. This one really got me thinking.
This was posted by a guy I was close with in high school, and even lived with him for a few years when we were in college. He grew up going to church and has been a strong Christian for his entire life. After college, he worked at the church we attended as one of the youth directors. He went to seminary and now continues to work in a different church in another state as a youth director. As such, he often posts about youth programs and all that stuff.
However, this particular evening, he posted something along these lines:
“Be praying for one of my youth group students. She is literally fighting for her life right now.”
A bit vague and dramatic, to be sure. This friend of mine has always had a slight taste for the dramatic, and he’d admit as much. I figured he was soliciting prayers from his “prayer warriors” while not wanting to give away too much personal information from what was likely a highly personal situation. Makes sense. I promptly forgot about it and moved on.
A day or two later he posted again, admitting that he’d been vague in the last post and proceeded to give a few more details. Apparently, one of the girls in his youth group had attempted to take her own life. He’d rushed to the hospital to be with the family while they worked to save her. Fortunately, they were able to.
After reading this, I paused and contemplated on it a bit. I couldn’t help but think, “This is some real-ass shit he’s dealing with.”
Meaning, I don’t ever have any interaction with struggling youth who are considering and then attempting self-harm and suicide. But this is a very real part of my friend’s job as a youth pastor.
It got me thinking…
Sure, after my faith deconstruction was more or less done, it was easy for me to concede that religion is far more harmful than helpful, that perhaps the world would be a better place without it, and that it’s ridiculous in all its forms.
I don’t know anything about the situation that my friend was posting about, but it got me thinking in what ifs…
- What if youth group was the only thing that girl looked forward to?
- What if my friend’s presence at the hospital meant the world to the girl’s family?
- What if my friend was the only person this girl felt like she could talk to and confide in (hopefully with a female chaperone present, of course).
- What if after this is resolved, this girl puts her faith in Jesus and that is the initial thing that moves her away from future suicidal thoughts?
In this case, was religion’s—and my friend’s—presence in this girl’s life perhaps the one thing that she was hopeful for?
Yes, it’s very easy to speculate in the other direction. It could be she felt so much guilt and shame from the disconnect between her lifestyle and the life that her church was telling her to live, and that’s what damaged her mental health. Very, very possible. Again, I don’t have any other details beyond what I’ve explained here, but I did feel it was worth pondering.
You often hear testimonies of people who said they’d made a plan to end their own lives, but it was faith placed in Jesus at the last minute that kept them from doing so. Despite my strong opinions about Jesus and faith and religion, I’m never going to suggest to a person like this that they were wrong, or it was something else that motivated them to not end their lives, or what have you. At the end of the day, I’m just glad they’re still here, regardless of the path they took to pull themselves out.
This isn’t the only time my friend has dealt with things like this. I know that in the past he’s had youth actually pass away from self-inflicted harm. He’s dealt with students who’ve been abused by family members. He’s dealt with students who’ve been victims of sexual abuse. He’s had students who have passed away from an incurable cancer that was only discovered weeks before. If it’s horrible and you can imagine it, he’s probably faced it alongside one of his youth group students.
Is it right for me to prefer that these students go through these things without my friend simply because he’s going to inject some religious dogma into the situation? Or is the religious dogma worth it just so the students who go through these tough times actually have someone who they feel close to or that they can talk to or rely on?
It’s a tough one, and I don’t have any answers, but when I saw this post from my friend, I did feel it was worth spending some time reflecting on it.