July 5, 2021
Are the concepts of masculinity and femininity still relevant today?
I usually only hear masculinity being discussed when it’s rounded up to “toxic masculinity.” Everyone goes on and on about how horrible toxic masculinity is (which is accurate) but very rarely does anyone ever point out that not all masculinity is toxic.
On the other hand, when I see femininity discussed, it often receives a lot of negativity since it’s generally assumed that being a feminine person is synonymous with being weak and/or submissive, usually to a man.
There’s a lot missing from these conversations. More often than not, they come across as very absolute, black and white, and at times inaccurate or dangerous. The conclusion almost always seems to be that masculinity and femininity are obsolete, or should be (with masculinity especially targeted).
So is it time to toss out the concepts of masculinity and femininity entirely? In my opinion, no. Just because many people these days have negative sentiments of what masculinity and femininity are doesn’t mean they’re obsolete.
Masculinity and femininity have nothing to do with sexual orientation, gender roles, or even gender, as many people think. Rather, they are energies. Both of these energies are present within all people. Every individual, regardless of their sex or how they identify, has masculine energy and feminine energy in varying amounts.
Both masculine and feminine energies manifest certain personality traits. They both manifest personality traits that are positive. However, if one of the energies is out of balance, then these personality traits can morph into something negative.
Some positive traits borne from masculine energy include:
- Leadership
- Logical and linear thinking
- Taking action
What happens when masculine energy becomes out of balance in an individual? Referring to the list above, leadership, if taken too far, can become dominance. Logical and linear thinking, if taken too far, can become narrow-mindedness. Taking action, if taken too far, can mean not enough thought is given before acting, resulting in creating more problems than you’ve solved.
Some positive traits borne from feminine energy include:
- Nurturing
- Creativity
- Compassion
What happens when feminine energy becomes out of balance in an individual? Referring to the list above, nurturing, if taken too far, can result in someone not taking care of their own needs. Creativity, if taken too far, can lead someone to not develop any practical skills that are needed in the world. Compassion, if taken too far, can lead to someone repeatedly forgiving someone they shouldn’t.
When it comes to masculine and feminine energies the goal is, in my opinion, to achieve balance. Every individual, regardless of whether they identify as a man or a woman, should seek to balance their masculine and feminine energies so as to embody the positive characteristics of each while minimizing the negative characteristics that come from having one or the other in the extreme.
That being said, generally speaking I do believe that women are better at achieving balance than men. Women seem to be better able to take on the positive traits of masculine energy while still maintaining the positive aspects of their feminine energy.
Men, on the other hand, seem to have a more challenging time of achieving balance. Why? Because men are more or less taught from a young age that the more masculine they are, the better. Then when they develop negative personality traits borne from out-of-balance masculinity, it’s dismissed as “he’s a manly man” or “boys will be boys.” Further, they don’t feel any need to cultivate their feminine energy (and the traits that come with it) because they:
- have never been taught how to do so.
- think the women in their lives will balance them out.
- get shamed and made fun of by other hyper-masculine men should they do this.
- have no balanced men as role models.
I get that some of you reading this may think that this “energy” perspective is a bit “woo-woo” but I’ve found it useful in terms of learning how to achieve balance. Energy, after all, seeks balance.
So say, for example, you’re a hyper masculine male who has become aware of negative personality traits that have sprung up because you’re out of balance. You aren’t going to improve by pretending to “cancel” the concepts of masculinity and femininity altogether. Instead, you’d be better off making it a point to engage with, cultivate, and appreciate the feminine energy that’s buried deep within you.