November 18, 2021
Deconstruction is a life skill. It’s the process of taking apart some aspect of your life, critically examining it, tossing out what doesn’t work while keeping what does, and then proceeding as a much more knowledgeable and wise person into a happier and freer life.
I’ve written before that literally everything in your life can (and should) be deconstructed, not only religion. I gave a list of examples in that article of things besides religion that can (and should) be deconstructed.
One of them was your own culture. Let’s examine that a little deeper.
First and foremost, the most obvious thing to point out (at least, obvious to me) is that the word “culture” contains the world “cult.” Since words mean things, this is not by accident. In a way, your culture, wherever in the world you happen to live or wherever you were born, is almost like it’s own little cult.
This might seem offensive because cults are usually associated with bad things, but I’m not insinuating here that your culture is bad or wrong. I’m pointing out the similarities between the characteristics of people in cults and people of a particular culture. Generally speaking, this means what they wear, what they eat, how they think, what they believe, how they live, how they structure their leadership, and how they view themselves and others, as just a few examples. The list is near endless.
Cultures aren’t usually objectively good or bad. They just are, and they are different from one another. Some are more similar to others, while others might seem near alien to you. Therefore it doesn’t really matter what your culture is when it comes to deconstructing it. They can all be critically examined.
Since culture has such a strong influence on how we’re raised, how we grow and develop, what we think, and how we see the world around us, it pays to at some point deconstruct your own culture, to question the norms within your culture that you’ve always been told are “just the way things are.”
While it’s true that you did grow up within a particular culture, it’s also true that you are an individual. You have the right, the ability, and some might even say the obligation to at some point in your life critically examine your culture and choose to embrace what works for you and leave behind what does not.
Like religion, when children are raised in a certain culture, there’s instilled into them a sense of “this is the way things are.” Since the adults around them are doing it, they may just assume it’s the right way to do things, or the best way, or the only way. It isn’t until they’re older and learn more about the world and the different cultures in it that they start to think that maybe there are other options.
This process, like religious deconstruction, is also difficult and rife with potential conflict. As with leaving religion, straying too far from your culture can piss off your family and friends who are inclined to remain enmeshed in your culture. You may experience some strong backlash.
People who spend a lot of time traveling or living away from their hometown have typically gone through a deconstruction of their culture. When they visit home, they describe something called “reverse culture shock.” That’s when, after spending so much time away from their own culture, they return to their home and are struck by how much they’ve changed by being away for so long while the culture in their hometown is exactly the same as they remember. Both the good and the bad of their original culture are starkly clear to them. In my opinion, this is a good thing. That means you’ve grown and changed.
When it comes to the bad aspects of your culture, it’s true that cultures do change, but it usually takes a very long time. Old practices don’t die out until the previous generation that observed those practices is gone. For this reason, forward thinkers in certain cultures are criticized by the older generations who blame the younger generation for going against tradition or disrespecting their country or roots. If you’re one of those forward thinkers, it may be up to you to go against this part of your culture despite the conflict it could bring.
There’s a reason why so many timeless stories, movies, and books are about a main character going against their own culture. It seems like there’s a primal code instilled within all of us at birth that beckons us to challenge the reality around us—even if that reality is our culture. There’s a certain character building, growth, and wisdom to be had by going head-to-head with your own culture to call out what isn’t so great while defending what is, especially when so many people within your culture think that everything should remain just as it is—both the good and the bad.
I’m in no way saying that you should completely turn your back on your culture (unless you really want to, I suppose; that decision is ultimately up to you). I do think, however, as with everything else in life, it pays to utilize what works for you and leave the rest. Panning for gold, so to speak. You scoop up everything and shake your pan to sift through what you have. The useless bits fall through the holes while the gold remains.