March 17, 2022
“If any human being is to reach full maturity both the masculine and feminine sides of the personality must be brought up into consciousness.”
– M. Esther Harding
I wrote an article not that long ago discussing whether or not Evangelical Christianity is a masculine lifestyle or not.
Essentially, no it isn’t. (It’s patriarchal, but that does not mean it’s masculine. Read the article here for the breakdown).
So it shouldn’t come as any surprise that once I left the Church and started recovering from religion, one of the best ways of healing myself was to start embracing certain traits, characteristics, and actions that are associated with masculine energy. Once I began to embody these, it didn’t take long for me to realize why the Church doesn’t like or condone certain masculine traits—it’s because if all the men in the congregation embodied them, then the few church leaders at the top of the food chain would have no one to fill their churches and give them tithe money.
If you’re fresh out of religion, here is a list of positive masculine traits that the Church doesn’t like that you can begin to practice starting today:
(Note: the behaviors and actions listed here are ones that involve masculine energy. That does not mean they are exclusively available to men. All humans, regardless of their sex or how they identify, contain varying amounts of both masculine and feminine energy. For more information about that, read this).
Be Active Instead of Passive
Masculine energy is all about getting shit done.
When you set and accomplish goals, develop and work toward a Mission, and strategically plan, these activities and similar ones are done with the masculine energy inside of you.
The Church knows men are creatures of action and natural “do-ers” so Church leaders are quick to put men to work on tasks that directly benefit the Church and its leaders. Left unchecked and unexamined, some men risk being taken advantage of in a vicious cycle of volunteering that quickly morphs into expectations, which then quickly shifts into straight-up unpaid labor.
If a Church leader thinks a man is spending too much of his energy only building up himself or his own family, then that leader may try to shame him and tell him he’s being selfish or not being a good member of the “church body.”
Now that you’re out of the Church, you get to choose where you direct your time and attention. Your tasks and projects can now directly benefit you, your family, and those close to you rather than a church that is all too happy to use you for free labor.
Take Responsibility For Yourself and For Your Life
I’ve said before that Christians often avoid personal responsibility. They do this by having an omniscient God that they believe is in control of everything, and therefore they more or less get to be passive players in life. If bad stuff happens, they can shrug and say, “It was all part of God’s plan. Who are we know his mysterious ways? He’ll be glorified through it somehow.”
Now that you’re out of religion, you don’t get to do that anymore. Now you get to take full, extreme responsibility for your life.
The good part about this is that whenever positive things happen, you can now take full credit for it without having to “give the glory to God.” You have the power to make your life awesome and exactly what you want it be.
In some ways, it’s kind of impossible to leave religion and not take personal responsibility for your life. For more information on that, read this: Leaving Religion Means Taking Personal Responsibility.
Be Assertive
Churches don’t like assertive men.
Only the Type-A, charismatic leader gets to be assertive. And if he hurts a few feelings in the process, then oh well—people need to hear the “truth.” For that leader to be assertive, he can’t have a bunch of other assertive men around. They’ll butt heads with him, question his authority, and make his job of running the church a lot more difficult.
Now that you’ve left the Church, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to practice being assertive.
But be careful, because a lot of people get this wrong when they start trying to be assertive after not being assertive for most of their lives. Being assertive does not mean needlessly being a dick to people. There is nothing assertive about that. It’s entirely possible for you to be kind and be assertive only when you have to be.
Be Self-Assured
Again, only church leaders are allowed to be self-assured. The other men in the congregation, if they are too self-assured, will be taken down a peg or two. They’ll be told they’re prideful, arrogant, or that they should pray for God to “humble them.”
When you’re self-assured, you are confident in yourself, the decisions you’re making, and the path you’re on. This self-assuredness mixes well with the first item in this article—being active instead of passive—because it will drive the completion of your goals and tasks that much faster when you know in your heart that they are the right things for you to do.
All of that being said, still be open to critiques and feedback. Being self-assured is great, but as with all other aspects of masculine energy, it’s entirely possible to take it too far and create an imbalance. If you’re too self-assured and literally never listen to the ideas of others, then you may end up charging forth in the wrong direction, in which case you’ll later wish you’d listened to those who were trying to help you.
But also, the possibility of becoming too self-assured does not mean that it’s better for you to not be self-assured at all. As always, balance is key.
Conclusion
There’s a lot more to this, but the actions and behaviors here in this article will help you get started.
If you’re totally lost as what to do, there are two things I can recommend. The first is to find a mentor who exhibits positive masculine traits that you would like to emulate and learn from him.
For more information on that, read this: How To Choose a Mentor From Afar
The second is to develop a community of friends who exhibit positive masculine traits. If you’ve recently left religion, it stands to reason that you may have lost your social circle since your church friends may (unfortunately) no longer want to associate with you. So as long as you’re in the position of needing to rebuild your social life, you may as well fill your friend circle with men who exhibit the traits listed above.
For more information on that, read: How to Build a New (and Better) Community of Friends as a Deconverted Man and Your Friends Determine the Quality and Direction of Your Life and 3 Types of Men To Bring Into Your Life After Leaving Religion.