November 9, 2020
One of the most devastating things about deconversion is the loss of a sense of purpose.
Before, when you still believed, your life was dedicated to God, serving others, and evangelizing the gospel to save the souls of others.
Now, all of that is gone.
The loss of faith sends people into a dark, empty place where, for a time, they believe that life is meaningless and empty.
Today, I’m going to share an excerpt taken directly from the most important chapter of my book.
This chapter is about your Mission.
In short, your Mission is your new purpose in life after deconversion, and one that is chosen for you, by you. Not by your church or your pastor.
Discovering it is one of the biggest undertakings following a painful deconversion, but once done, you will be better able to proceed through life as a happier, stronger, and better man.
Here’s the excerpt:
Let me introduce you to Alex. Actually, I don’t need to introduce you because you already know him. There’s an “Alex” in every church in the world. Maybe it was you.
Alex is an early-twenties guy who’s on fire for the Lord. Alex goes to Uganda one summer on a mission trip. He’s there for six whole weeks! During that time, his Facebook and Instagram accounts are flooded with photos of him and African village children. You don’t know what exactly he’s doing over there (except taking pictures with a bunch of Ugandan kids) but it sure looks like the Lord’s work.
At the end of those six weeks, Alex returns home. He is pulled up on stage before the sermon on Sunday and speaks for the entire Uganda team. He shares about all the powerful ways God is moving in Uganda, blessing the people there, and how God is changing lives throughout Africa.
Proudly and boldly, in front of everyone, Alex declares that God has laid Uganda on his heart. He has fallen in love with the country, its people, and their culture, and he has a desire to lead them to the Lord. He asserts that he will go back, this time as a team leader, and invites everyone to pray with him (and donate money toward the next trip).
One small problem. Because the church has other regularly scheduled mission trips to Mexico (to build houses), to Europe (because despite the cathedrals on every street corner, the people still haven’t heard about Jesus), and to China (where all missionaries have “tricked” the Chinese government about why they are there), there won’t be another trip to Uganda until next summer.
That’s fine, Alex thinks. He can wait. Until then, he’ll support the local Ugandan churches through prayer and giving.
But time goes on. Alex gets busy with work. He has bills like everyone else, so his donations to Uganda get “postponed.” He loses touch with the partner church because other American churches have swept in to get their pictures with the children.
Next summer rolls around. It’s time to sign up for the annual Uganda mission trip. Alex is asked by his pastor if he’s going. He says yes at first but quickly realizes his summer is quite busy. He’s joined an Ultimate Frisbee league and they have games every weekend.
Also, six weeks is a long time to take off from his job. He’s already spent most of his vacation time on a trip to Cancun with the guys in his Bible study.
Alex decides he’ll go next summer.
But that fall, Alex meets a girl and marries her early the next year. Now he’s focused on his new married life. The Uganda trip passes again.
He promises to himself that he’ll go back to Uganda next summer. He’ll even bring his new wife. But then Alex and his wife have a baby. He definitely can’t head to Uganda and leave his wife with a newborn for six whole weeks. After that year, it doesn’t even occur to Alex to sign up for the Uganda trip.
He never goes again.
Does that story sound familiar? Every church across the world has members who once thought they “had a heart” for some mission-trip destination only for that passion to burn out faster than it started. Maybe you are guilty of that yourself.
The story ended that way because Alex didn’t have a true mission. Real missions cannot be derailed by life circumstances, even big ones such as getting married or having a kid. Missions are as much a part of you as your own body and soul.
What is a true mission and how does it differ from the church’s idea of a mission? This chapter—the most important one in this book—will examine that.
A Man on a Mission
If you’ve ever met a “man on a mission,” you knew it. You knew it even if you didn’t know what his specific Mission was.
Men with Missions give off a certain aura. It’s a sense of assuredness that other men don’t have, an energy that surrounds them and that others pick up on. This energy seems to say, “I’m building something. I’m on my way.”
These men are usually normal guys with families, jobs, and homes, but there is something else that drives them to a point beyond what most men in the modern area achieve. This something else is ever present in their lives, driving their every action, every plan, and every goal. It’s almost always bigger than them. To outside observers, it may even seem impossible. Not to these guys. They are powered by a determination that others envy, and by the time they’re on their death beds, they will have made a dent in the world.
That something else is your Mission. It is the purpose of your life. It is the reason you live. It is the why to your what.
It is vital that all men have a Mission. As men, we are natural doers, creators, movers, and shakers. We are driven to accomplish, conquer, claim, and establish. These traits are born from the testosterone that flows in our veins. Unfortunately, the modern era doesn’t have much use for the natural tendencies of men. The world has been explored. There is no need for hunters and gatherers. No invading tribe is coming after our own.
That’s okay. There is still plenty of work to be done to make the world a better place. A lot of work. There is still room for men who have Missions.
The rest of this lengthy chapter goes into great detail on how exactly to rediscover your Mission after your deconversion.
I’ll say it again because it’s that important: find your new Mission in life and you’ll be well on your way to being a happier, stronger, and better man.
Click here to learn more about the book, titled The Deconverted Man: A Guide to Happiness, Freedom, and Purpose After Leaving Fundamentalist Religion.