Why the Church Tries to Control Female Sexuality

May 24, 2021

Do you remember when the book Fifty Shades of Grey came out? It sold millions of copies, earned the author even more millions of dollars, got film adaptations, and caused a firestorm of debates, controversy, and media attention.

Although I didn’t have the language for it yet, I was already well into my faith deconstruction at the time. I loved watching churches around America trying to deal with the Fifty Shades “epidemic” that was sweeping the nation and, as much as they tried to deny, was creeping into the ebook readers of their congregation’s women.

I’ve never read the book (I’ve seen the first movie), but I’ll never forget my coworker’s glowing praise. She said, “It’s not well-written at all, but you’ll slide right off your seat.”

Pastors never hesitate to insert firm reminders into their sermons that men shouldn’t watch porn, which to them was a male problem exclusively. Now, these same pastors were delicately tip-toeing into denouncing Fifty Shades of Grey. They didn’t quite know how because they weren’t used to chastising women for consuming pornographic material. Instead, they made an example of “worldly women” who read the book, because they just “knew” that no God-fearing woman in their congregation would ever crack the cover.

One cringe sermon I watched online was from a megachurch in the south. Of course, they wanted to be in the world but not of it, so they had a husband and wife come up on stage and perform the song Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding, which was the main song from the film adaptation. By doing this, they were acknowledging the book as a major talking point in popular culture but also reminding everyone that sex was for married couples only.

Not one single church pastor I know of ever figured out what the real issue was. And if one of them did figure it out, then he didn’t have the guts to say it. Fifty Shades of Grey revealed a lot about the sexual desires and fantasies of a large population of women, and those desires and fantasies have absolutely nothing to do with what Christian men have to offer.

The male lead and love interest in the book, ironically named Christian Grey, can be summed up as such:

• He’s bold and direct.
• He knows what he wants in life, business, and sex and he gets it. He’s accustomed to getting it.
• He has an edge to him.
• He’s financially well off. That means she’s secure and comfortable.

How many Christian men embody those characteristics? Hell, how many men in general embody those characteristics in the modern era?

The popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey (and other books like it) illustrates why the Church strives so hard to control female sexuality.

If you remove the indoctrination, manipulation, shame, guilt, and purity culture and give women complete and total freedom to decide where to direct their love, attention, affection, and sex, then you’d be extremely hard pressed to find a woman who would naturally be attracted to a man who lives according to the ideals the Church tells him to live by.

In general, your average Christian man who isn’t a leader but just a sheep in the congregation can be described as such:

• He’s meek (Matthew 5:5).
• He’s passive. Life happens to him because he thinks God is directing things. He doesn’t make his own life happen.
• He’s sexually repressed.
• He thinks he’s meant to be the spiritual head of the household despite having exhibited no leadership qualities throughout his life.
• He’s too nice.
• He thinks he’s entitled to love, affection, and sex from his future spouse simply because it’s God’s divine plan.

On what planet would an adult, autonomous woman ever want to date, let alone marry a man like that?

This is why the Church seeks to control female sexuality. The only way they can secure wives and girlfriends is by indoctrinating the Church’s women into thinking and believing that Christian men are who they should find attractive.

This is precisely why the Church freaked out when Fifty Shades of Grey took the world by storm. It revealed to everyone who was paying attention what kind of man women are naturally attracted to. And that man shared zero qualities with Christian men.

So the Church did the only thing it knows how do: shit on the book and remind women that reading it is a sin and that they should be looking out for a Godly man only.

I understand the book started other conversations at the time. People in the actual BDSM community denounced the book for its inaccurate and dangerous depictions. Others called into question the psychological implications of the relationship between the two main characters.

All of that being said, the numbers don’t lie. With millions of copies sold and the millions made from the franchise through movie deals, it cannot be denied that the story and characters struck something deep and primal in the minds and imaginations of millions of women across the world.

How did your church handle Fifty Shades of Grey when it came out? Let me know in the comments!